For Now, I sit and I wait…the longing in my heart

by Carrie Raab on December 30, 2011

For now, I sit and I wait… the longing in my heart

Today is a day to just write what is on my heart.  I am sure it is mainly for me and possibly no one else, but I am writing in obedience to the Lord, as He has called me to do.

My heart longs to be in a place where I can just pray and minister to people all day long. I find no greater joy than to love on and pray for people.  My heart yearns for the poor, the lowly, the desperate, the unlovely, the untouchable, the outcast. I love being in Central America and spending a week plus there just ministering to any and everyone that God leads me to. My heart just aches when I have been out of the country and I have to return to the US.  I long for the day that God calls me there full or part time.  I often just sit in my room and cry for these beautiful people. I love them and I know they love me.  I have a bond with the people in Central America that I have never experienced in all my life, right here in my own country.  I can see it in the spirit, as it is a spiritual thing, not a natural thing.  I know God has a purpose for me in Central America.  The bond with strangers, that quick, can only be God and to ‘see’ it in their eyes, confirms that this is my future home.

for not I sit and I wait... longing in my heart

I struggle with being at home, knowing that my longing in life is there, out in the future, and I must wait and be patient and content until my present catches up to my future.  I daydream about being in Central America or just out on the streets ministering to people all day, every day.  I long for the day to come! I am not complaining about my past or my present, I am just eagerly awaiting my destiny, what God has placed inside of me to do.( I get glimpses of it and I am grateful for the times He gives me, and I wait until more is given)

For now, I just sit and wait until that day comes.

Another desire in my heart is prayer.  I do not fill my day is fulfilled if I do not pray for someone.  There is just this yearning in me to pray for others.  God is blessing me now through social media to see the needs of those I do not know and am able to hit the floor and pray for them. I love that! I pray and leave it at Abba’s feet and the outcome to Him. I find no greater thrill than to hit my knees for someone in need. Life is hard, at times, and we need each other.  Sometimes in life we feel as we are living and walking this journey alone.  We are NEVER alone as we know God is always with us and for us, yet having friends to encourage and support us is a part of God’s design.  He created us to have a relationship with Him and with people on the earth.  You can be as close to God as you want, yet there is a part of you that is unfulfilled if you are not getting fellowship with man. That is how God created us. He wants us to be a community. He desires both.  God is first and we get our everything from HIM. He is our source, our strength, our supply, and then the community of people is to keep us focused on Him and His will for our lives.

For now, I stay at home and homeschool my children.  My heart longs to get out of these 4 walls of my home.  My family and I go out on the streets and minister to people, I am blessed to be on the prayer team at church and  I go to people’s homes to pray for them, however I long for much more.  I find myself having to stay in a place of rest and content until that day comes that I am able to stay out all day and pray at the hospital if I desire, versus only having a few hours.  I know current my place is at home, raising my children and homeschooling them and I am blessed to take this role and do not take my motherhood lightly, however, I would be lying to you if I did not say I long for the day to be on the mission field, to be His hands and feet outside the comforts of my home. “This life is not my own.”  I wrestle with this longing and finding myself having to fight for peace in the current place God has me.  I am a type of person that wears my emotions on my sleeves and I am very vulnerable and transparent.  When I am happy, you know it, when I am sad, you know it too.  Right now, I need to get this emotion off my chest and write out what is pressing on my heart.

I often feel I am not fulfilling my true calling in life if I am not praying for someone.  I know that I am in His will and doing exactly what He wants me to be doing, but the deep desire in my heart yearns to pray for people.  Everyday I seek God to put someone in my path so that I may pray for them.  Most days I am at home and do not even “see” anyone, so God, lovingly, just puts people in my heart to pray for.  God has birthed the desire to pray/intercede for others over the last 8 years and the desire just grows and grows.  I love to spend time in God’s presence just loving on Him and Him loving on me and bringing people to the throne of His grace.  I love praying over people and speaking God’s heart over them(prophesy). It probably blesses me more than it does them. In fact, I am sure it does!  I can’t explain this burden inside of me, but it is there and the desire only grows deeper and deeper.  “Deep calls unto deep.”

With this longing to pray for others, God has graciously led me to a group I found online, called “31 Days to Pray for Your Spouse.”  My husband and I have been praying for one another daily for years, and we also have a specific day of the week that we really pray/intercede for one another.  On our individual days, we really see God’s glory and favor rest on us more so than the rest of the week.  Don’t get me wrong or misunderstand me, as God is always for us and we always have his love, grace, and mercy, but the power of prayer is powerful!!! We see amazing things happen on these days and we also see the battle against us in doing so.  We know “we do not fight against flesh or blood”, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”  We know the enemy does not like what we are doing and so we just keep on the full armor of God and press toward the high call of Christ Jesus.  It is a privilege to pray for my spouse and now I get an even greater privilege and that is praying along side of several other people, all in one accord! Glory!

The 31 Days of Prayer for Your Spouse is led by Ashley Pichea . You can sign up for the 31 days by clicking here

31 days to pray for your spouse

Because of my longing to pray for others and because I find no greater joy than to pray for my husband, I am joining men and women all around the world to pray for their spouses.  Won’t you join me?

Also, with the longing in my heart to pray for others and to be out of the house versus in, God has blessed me with another study to do while I am at home, homeschooling and raising my kids.  This is a book club.  The book is called “How to have a HEART for your kids.” The book club is led by Amanda Pelser and other homeschool moms.  It is written by a homeschool mom.  I find that after homeschooling my kids for 5 yrs, I need a support group of other women with the same heart. Do you feel the same way? If so, join us!  We want to have a heart for our kids and raise them up according to His ways.  Being home, in the house, with your kids, is a joy and if we are honest, a sacrifice.  It is the best blessing a mother could have, and God has called us to love one another, support and encourage one another.  “Iron sharpens iron.”  I am excited about meeting with a group of mom’s via the internet to discuss the book and how we can be the mom’s God has called us to be.  It is hard being home and feeling you are on this homeschool journey alone. It is not a daily struggle, but I know every homeschool mom has felt “alone” at some point.

This is not God’s will for us to feel alone.  He desires for us to have intimacy with Him and fellowship with one another.   God calls us to be in community and I feel that homeschooling should be a community.  I have not been called by God to join a co-op in my city, thus I am not connected with other mom’s in the area and I have felt, from time to time, that I am on the journey alone.  I look forward to this book drawing us closer to God, closer to our spouses, closer to our children, and closer as a homeschool online community.  We need each other! A 3 stranded cord is not easily broken!

I believe that these 2 groups that I am joining in January 2012, will help ease the longing in my heart to be out of the home and doing full time ministry.  I am sure many of you are reading this and saying, “but your family is your first ministry and be content with where you are”. I also hear many saying, “You are right where God wants you, INSIDE the home, raising your children and being a wife.”  And I would say yes and yes to your thoughts towards me, and I agree 100%, yet I still can’t deny the calling on my life and where I am headed.  It is a piece in my heart that is missing and little by little, it is being fulfilled. I know the day draws closer and closer to the desire being fulfilled, thus the longing and passionate desire growing stronger.  It is a good thing! It is a good longing! I eagerly await His call… as my daily prayer is, “Here I am Lord, send me, use me for your glory!” “All I want is you God, more of you and less of me!”  It is all a teaching time… testing and teaching me to be patient, to persevere and to wait on Him.  So, I wait!

My entire family loves to minister and pray for people.  It is a calling on the entire family.  Missions is our heart and our desire.  Praying for others and longing to see people healed, whole, and set free is our desire! Praying for His Kingdom to come, His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven, is our desire!

But, for now I sit and I wait…I wait on His perfect timing.

God continues to teach me in His word: 

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.” 

“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”

“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.”

for now, i sit and i wait

For now,

I live day to day and live each one to the fullest, and pray I please Him in every way (just as Jesus did, everything he did was to “please the Father”).  For now, I stay at home and pray that when my children get older they will rise and call me blessed.  For now, I rise and get up before my family does and pray for them.  For now, I teach my children diligently.  I teach them God’s word and  it is my desire to talk about them when we sit at home and when we walk along the road, when we lie down and when we get up.   For now, I love my children and my husband and cherish these days, as they are fleeting fast.  For now, I  watch my children grow up to be mighty warriors for the Kingdom of God.  For now, I reflect on the goodness of God and where I once was, and where I have ended up.  For now, I thank God that I am His and He is mine.  For now, I forget the past and press on towards what lies ahead.  For now, I look forward to 2012 and the 31 days to pray for your spouse and the how to have a HEART for your kids book club.  For now, I give God thanks in all circumstances, and I rest in the now!

Do you ever feel this way?  Do you have a burden to pray for people?  Ever feel isolated or alone if you homeschool? Ever have to sit and wait on God with a longing in your heart?  How do you handle your situation? Please share your answers below.  I want to hear from you! 

Have a prayer request?  I would love to hit my knees for you!  Post your comments below.  I love the feedback and want to hear from you. 

My latest post from this article is  called, Thoughts on the New Year. (click to read)

Do you know of someone that could benefit from this post?   Click the Like Facebook button and Twitter below.  Thank you!

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Krystyn January 23, 2012 at 2:06 am

I wouldn’t say I feel a burden to pray, but I need to remember to be more aware of doing it…and doing it more often.

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Angie January 9, 2012 at 8:54 pm

It is amazing that we wrote about something so similar in just days. My heart is also for missions, and I just know that some day that is where I will be. When, I don’t know. But until then, like you, I am praying and raising money for those who are already out there. God bless you, sweet sister. You are definitely a prayer warrior and I love knowing that when I ask you for prayer, that you are truly praying. And thank God for online Christian fellowship! Without it, I would truly feel alone. Love you!

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Carrie Raab January 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Angie…as I think of you and type, tears are flowing down my cheeks. Yes, I am an emotional girl, as I just love people super easy and I am so honored and blessed for your love and friendship! God has so blessed me these last few months with online Christian friends, you being one of them. I am forever grateful for God’s love and kindness towards me that He would allow me to meet people like YOU! I love praying for you and just chatting about everyday life and enjoying life together from one coast to the other. God is good! I just was blown away when, as you said, we wrote nearly the same thing, and in days apart. God is always talking and He puts people in our life to confirm His word, His heart, His truth over our lives.
I am forever grateful He put you in my life! You bless me and I look forward to what God is going to do in and through your life in the days, months and years to come! Forever your sister in Christ! Much love to you and big HUGS!! :)

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Jennifer@GDWJ January 7, 2012 at 4:12 am

Your heart for prayer shows. May God bless you for your obedience.

– Jennifer

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Carrie Raab January 7, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Hey Jennifer! It is nice being able to share hearts and see what God is doing all around the world in and through us. Thank you for reading my story and your kind words. Bless you!!

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Clytie January 6, 2012 at 3:27 am

What a beautiful heart you have for the world. You are what I lovingly call a “prayer warrior” as well – just like my mom.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart on Guest Heart Thursday!

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Carrie Raab January 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Thank you Clytie for allowing us to share our hearts together and bring glory to our King. It is so encouraging to hear what God is doing in and through our lives. Bless you and thanks for who you are.

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Charlene January 3, 2012 at 4:06 am

Prayer, I have come to see from reading scripture, is one of the most powerful weapons we have. A friend of mine said to me, “prayer is the engine room.” I totally agree. Have you ever read the book, praying Hyde, i think it’s called? Hyde went to India and started to pray for one soul everyday and then two and so on and whatever he prayed for he received, so inspiring. Oh, i just thought of another book I just finished called The Mark Buntain Story. It’s not so much about prayer, but about his ministry to the people in Calcutta, India. It would probably make you long to go to central America though.
Anyway, I understand somewhat how you are feeling. I too would love to be there in the streets helping, ministering, praying. But I too am homeschooling and i sometimes feel conflicted about homeschooling, thinking it may be better to be out there trying to minister in the schools. Anyway, off topic. I wish I could share my faith more with people, as you expressed you do in one of your comments.
Again thanks for the post.

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Jennifer January 3, 2012 at 12:37 am

I do pray, I do sometimes feel alone in homeschooling, and I too long to reach out to others. I am thankful for the internet that allows me to reach out beyond our four walls daily—and for the opportunity to serve my community. My 8-year-old is itching to take a mission trip, so our day is coming!

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Carrie Raab January 3, 2012 at 12:54 am

Hi Jennifer! Wow, thanks so much for sharing your heart. Sounds like we have kindred spirits! God has really blessed me these last few months with the internet.. He is the reason why I am blogging and even have a blog for that matter. Always know I am here if you need anything homeschool, prayer, or friend wise. It is so much easier knowing there are others that care and love and support you, in good times and bad! Bless you Jennifer and thank you so much for commenting! :)

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Momma January 2, 2012 at 3:06 am

With tears in my eyes I managed to finish reading. A Mother is supposed to teach her child, our roles have been reversed, your posts, and amazing articles, teach me. To know God as you do before I meet Him face to face is my desire. Anytime you feel the need to pray for someone you can put me on your list. I have joined the challange to pray for your Daddy, something else you can pray about. I love, love, love you……..

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Carrie Raab January 2, 2012 at 3:30 am

Hey momma! I am thrilled to have you join the challenge with us. God is going to show himself mightily! The article was a hard one to write, but I could no longer keep my feelings bottled up inside. Letting it out via writing really helped release the ache in my heart. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to not be in Central America for Christmas and New Year this year. Waiting is hard, however, I know God is teaching me many things as I wait on Him. In His perfect timing, all things work out for my good, cause He loves me and is for me. :) His word assures us of that!
I love you mom and am overwhelmed with what you had to say. I look forward to praying for our spouses together! It’s gonna be good. Thanks for reading my article, it means a lot. Thank you for always being there for me and supporting our family in our desires to be missionaries. xoxo

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Lindsay January 1, 2012 at 2:57 am

You are amazing and I love being your earthly and heavenly sister!!! You know you can always pray for me as you know what I need before I even tell you!!!

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Carrie Raab January 1, 2012 at 4:22 am

Hey Lindsay! Love you and thanks for reading my post! It has really been heavy on my heart and I am struggling with not being in Central America. It has been a while since I have gone and my heart just aches to return. I trust the Lord and His timing, yet I can’t deny what I desire! It is good to long for the mission field, as it confirms my calling more and more. I love you and you are always in my heart and prayers! :)

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Rebecca December 30, 2011 at 11:20 am

Carrie, Oh, I have so much to learn from you!!!! Thank you for this beautiful post!

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Carrie Raab January 1, 2012 at 4:19 am

Hey Rebecca! Awww… likewise! Bless you and thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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kelli- AdventurezInChildREaring December 30, 2011 at 1:05 am

and, btw – He IS using you to minister! I know that for a fact!!! He certainly has blessed ME through You!! Who else would hit their knees for a stranger & pray for her healing? You do & I love you sister!!! I KNOW He will (in HIS time) make a way for you to fulfill that special calling – or else He will change the desire of your heart to match up with His will for your life – I believe He’ll probably be sending you on to Central America just as your heart is burdened. :) I love love love ya!

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kelli- AdventurezInChildREaring December 30, 2011 at 1:01 am

You touched on so many things that I totally “get” – I think maybe because I have younger children, I don’t have quite as much time to feel this way- and I’m not the same kind of prayer warrior as you- I am an evangelist – I have that same kind of burden that you do, but it is focused on souls. The burden is similar, so I get it. I’m so thankful God is able to use me some online to encourage other mothers/ both homeschool and not. I am one of the community leaders for the 31 day Pray for your spouse, I requested to have you in my group with the specific purpose of knowing that you will help me pray for the women in our group and encourage them – not sure yet what group you’ve been put in, just want you to know I asked for ya! :) I have a “burden” for the ministry also – I am waiting for God to clear me a path- I see Him working, I am getting to see some of it happening – I’d love nothing more than to have a place someday where we could bring in the hurting – youth, women, families and have “camp” and witness to them bring them to Jesus, help them get started on their walk- sit around big camp fire and sing praises – Central America works for me :) I know each of us only want to go where God wants us – He will show you!

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Carrie Raab January 1, 2012 at 4:18 am

Hey Kelli! Thanks for commenting and sharing your love for the Lord too and your passion for Him. I would consider myself an evangelist as well, even though I would never have thought or called myself that until the last few years. I recall people prophesying that over me for years and I was like, no way, not me. Well, God knows all, and it is true. I love witnessing to people and going out in the mall or grocery store, or out on the streets and sharing the good news. Of course, I have to pray for them too!:) I pray for whatever need they have:physical, spiritual, mental or emotional. I believe we must pray for the WHOLE MAN to be healed. We can’t just pray for one part and neglect another. Jesus came to set us free and He died to heal the whole man. Thus, I want to pray and do as he did :)
I spend a good bit of my time in my prayer closet crying out for SOULS. All we can take to heaven with us is souls. Once you start thinking on that, it will get you messed up! (in a good way!) I ponder that thought daily!
I love that you have a heart for the lost! We need more evangelists! One day we will hit the streets together and share the love of God with others. It is the most beautiful thing to tell people how God sees them and feels about them and speak the Father’s heart over them. It blesses me to no end!
What a beautiful heart you have and I am blessed to call you friend! God will use us to minister together and our children too! We will set the captives free! We will do it all in His mighty name and all for His glory! Blessings to you always! Hugs!

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