Heart for Your Kids – Enrich Your Marriage

by Carrie Raab on January 22, 2012

How to Have a HEART for Your Kids - Enrich your marriage

How to Have a HEART for you Kids – E- Enrich Your Marriage

If you have not been following my blog, I have been writing a post each week on Rachael Carman’s book.  This week I will be sharing about Ch. 2, entitled Enrich Your Marriage.  Make sure you read the Introduction and Chapter 1 posts first.  What a beautiful Chapter this was.  You might be wondering, even as Rachael points out in her book, “Why is this chapter on marriage when the book is about having a heart for your kids?”  Well, if you think about it, what comes first in your life is your walk with the Lord and He  blessed you with a spouse -your spouse came before kids, correct? So, in my opinion and Rachael would agree, your marriage needs to have that same priority.  Rachael wrote, “Your relationship with your spouse will model so much to your kids.” That is so true, isnt’ it?!

Let’s look at what God’s Word says about wives/husband- your marriage

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church ….you also must love your wife, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Eph 5:22-33) This is the model for our children to see.

marriage ephesians 5:22-33

Questions to Ponder About Your Marriage

Do you still love your spouse like the day you met, got engaged, went on your honeymoon, prior to having children?  Is the flame still alive?  Have your children taken all of your time, energy and focus, causing you to have little to nothing to give to your spouse? Do you respect your husband? Do you believe this is God’s desire for your marriage and family or do you believe we have twisted his original intent?

I know I have had my priorities out of alignment! When you have little ones that are demanding ALL of your time, it is hard not to give them ALL that they need.  Rightly so.  However, if we were able to hit the “pause” button and see our life, see ourselves, we would see a shift that needs to take place.  We need to make a paradigm shift in our hearts and minds.  God first, and husbands before children.  That does not mean you ignore your kids, you let them cry for hours because you and your spouse are having a conversation, but it does mean to put him in correct alignment with God’s design.

I am here to say I think I failed pretty miserably at that.  I am sad to say I put my children over my husband when my kids were infants/toddlers. Everything I did, when my kids were little, revolved around them. My love, honor and respect did not change for my husband, but my priority in keeping him ahead of them did. I think most moms probably do- not intentionally or in a hurtful manner, it just happens.  It is a balancing act and I pray more moms are being mentored and discipled to love and seek God first and keep their husbands ahead of their children, always and forever.  New moms need to be mentored and encouraged. We need to be a Titus 2 generation!

Fast forward…I am past the infant, toddler years, and have been for several years now, and God has graciously re-aligned my heart toward His,to make Him first!  I can honestly say I now put God first, over my husband and my children. It is solely a work of grace!  I do not take it for granted, or boast about it, it is just the truth.  I never thought I would love God more than my husband or my children, but I am blessed and unashamedly able to say I do! I spent 3 years doing what most moms/wives would say is crazy to do, but it changed my life/ my heart and I am now living my life SOLD OUT for JESUS and seeking HIM FIRST! (I did not say I am perfect, I don’t fall short, I don’t get frustrated with my children, etc. I am a work in progress, but I can say I love God with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength and I live my life daily to please Him. I never knew I could have a love for the Lord like I do. I never knew it was possible to love God ,whom I have never seen with my physical eyes, more than I love my husband. I never knew I would crave His presence and long to stay up all night just to be with HIM. I never knew I would jump and dance and praise and adore my King like I do. Only God can do what He has done to my heart!!! He has lavished my heart and He is the LOVER OF MY SOUL!!! There is none like Him! I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good! I worship and adore Him! I cannot keep it a secret, I must tell. If he can do it for me, He can do it for you! He is no respecter of persons. “Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you!”)  Maybe I will share sometime my journey with the Lord. God has lovingly taught me and is continuing to teach me to put my husband over my children. It was not a quick fix! He still gently reminds me everyday of my alignment with Him and then to my husband and children. The more you seek Him, the more you find Him! Stay encouraged! Press in to know Him more!

A few of my favorite quotes that Rachael says in this chapter on marriage are:

  • We must strive to consciously and intentionally enrich our marriages
  • God wants to show Himself to the world through our marriage relationship
  • It is from our marriages our children learn grace

Rachael also points out a few things she and her husband do to keep love alive in their marriage:

  • Chase and be caught
  • Write notes
  • Take walks
  • Go out on a date
  • Pray and study together

A note my husband put on my bathroom countertop in 2010 and I left it there! :)

How many of you do those same exact things? My hubby and I do all of those things she mentioned. I laughed as I read her stories on each of them as I didn’t even realize the value of these things in a marriage.  It was good for me to see the importance of them and how they are indeed keeping our love for one another alive.  My husband and I are constantly writing notes to one another.  I will wake up to a sticky note stuck on my bathroom mirror or on my steering wheel in my car. I will write a note on the shower window for him to find.  We love to take walks. That is something we cherish and do often.  Going out on a date definitely needs improvement! We go in spurts. I can’t emphasize enough the value of prayer!!! My husband’s parents have set this foundation for us, and I am forever grateful!  We study alone and together. It depends on the season in our life.  I have seen the value of both.

Lastly what I want to leave you with is a challenge Rachael had for herself, from a Bible Study she did.  I want to share it with you.  “How can I serve you today?” is a question you want to ask your husband.  Serve your husband.  Put him first, put him above your desires,your needs.  And… respect your husband!  Men need to be respected and women need to be loved.  Isn’t that a great challenge! Will you take the challenge with me?

Find ways to bless and encourage your husband. Make time for him. Learn to love your husband and see him as how God sees him.  That is transformational! Ask God to give you HIS eyes and HIS heart for your husband. Ask God to carve out time for you both to be together. God is a creative God and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Ask and you will receive.  God wants your marriage to flourish.  He designed it. He loves marriage.

I highly recommend this book to any parent! Rachael has a beautiful heart for the Lord, her husband and her children. What touched you most about this chapter on marriage? Do you need to spend more time alone with God and your spouse? How do you plan to carve out more time with your spouse? Do you need to rekindle the flame? Do you struggle with respecting your husband? If you said yes to any of those, you are NOT alone! We have ALL been there! It is ok! It is never too late to hit the restart button! You can do it! God loves you and believes in you and so do I.

Would you share your answers with me? How is your marriage? How are you keeping love alive in your marriage? I love the comments!  :)

Carrie

Links sunscholars.blogspot.com, marriage-monday-love-and-respect-link-up

{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Branden April 29, 2014 at 4:40 am

It is a great foods suppressant and the good excellent source
linked roughage. They aren’t healthy anyways, which might as anyway avoid them you can as you may want to.

Loads of people suffer against acid reflux right before bedtime.

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Elizabeth July 23, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Wow! Powerful post! This relates perfectly to my post today! Thanks for linking up to Marriage Monday! :)

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Carrie Raab July 23, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Hey Elizabeth!!! Thank you so much for your kind words and allowing us to link up. Bless you! :)

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Bonnie Way May 29, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I have definitely noticed that my relationship with my husband affects my relationship with my kids. If I’m upset at him for something, then it carries into how I treat my daughters. If we’re arguing or even not talking, then our daughters notice. So putting our marriage first should be an important part of parenting, because when we are happy, then our children are happy. :)

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Carrie Raab May 29, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Hey Bonnie! So true! Our kids definitely pick up on how mommy and daddy are together… keep your marriage alive and your kids will thrive! :) Thanks for taking the time to read my post and to share your lovely comment. Blessings!

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Joanne Norton February 14, 2012 at 3:01 am

Even after all these years… no kids or grandkids around to interfere with our time together … we still have to give each other time. We both are involved in personal ministries and various actions, but none on the same page. We support and encourage each other, but often that’s it. However, we really do try to make sure we have a dinner out or time together at least once or twice a week and we listen to the other whenever it falls into our time. HE’S the best listener… I’ve got a wild thinking pattern. At any rate, just loving and caring is a huge blessing for both of us. Thanks for sharing.

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Carrie Raab February 14, 2012 at 3:15 am

Joanne! Thank you so very much for sharing. I love your story and how you are keeping your marriage alive. It shows that no matter what age, or how long you have been married, it takes time and commitment to keep it alive. Blessings to you!

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Peter P February 8, 2012 at 6:29 am

Great post.. and thank you for your honesty.

It helps us all when we can be honest about the truth with one another!

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Carrie Raab February 8, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Thanks so much! Blessings! I appreciate your kind words and all that you are doing as well. :)

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Hazel Moon February 7, 2012 at 9:15 pm

May I suggest that you enter this post on the “One Word Carnival Blog Hop” The word is ROMANCE here is the direct link: Copy and paste if it doesn’t work.
http://peterpollock.com/2012/02/romance-blog-carnival/
Every other Tuesday it is a different word.

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Carrie Raab February 7, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Hey! Thanks so much for stopping by and reading the blog! Yes, I would be honored to! Thank you! :)

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momto8blog January 30, 2012 at 6:23 pm

i enjoyed very much reading your post….maybe i needed this reminder and you are the messenger!

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Carrie Raab January 30, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Awww, thanks!!! :) God is good!

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Amanda @ The Pelsers January 27, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Figuring out how to take off the parent hat is tough. We’re still in the littles stage and don’t have much local support – no one to help with kids – and money is tight.

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Charlotte January 26, 2012 at 10:46 pm

We certainly need to have our priorities straight when it comes to God, family and everything else in our lives. Thank you for sharing this post. I know it will be helpful to many.
Blessings,
Charlotte

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Carrie Raab January 27, 2012 at 12:08 am

Hey Charlotte! Thanks so much for your kind words! Everything always fall into place when we seek HIM first. We are all learning and growing! Bless you!

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Michelle January 26, 2012 at 3:51 am

It was inspiring to read how your heart and focus changed over the years–it’s amazing how we are always spiritually growing and God grants us such grace. The sticky notes are such a fun idea!
Michelle

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Carrie Raab January 26, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Hey Michelle! Thanks so much for reading my post and commenting! I love the feedback. Yes, God’s grace is a beautiful thing to experience and then to live it out! We are a work in progress, but I know God’s word doesn’t return void and we go from glory to glory! He is good! We love the sticky notes around here. I even surprise my boys and put notes in their rooms or on their pillow or bathroom mirror. Such fun! Bless you and your family!!!

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Lauren January 25, 2012 at 11:48 am

This is a great recap Carrie! I too am guilty of putting my children and other more “demanding” people first, over my husband, and he’s called me on it! God has given me more of a desire to love and serve him now, and although we’ve had our struggles, I love him more deeply than ever before! And I’m feeling like there’s a piece missing in the older women teaching the younger…older not just being by age, but by maturity in many areas – so I’m thankful for this community online where we can mentor and encourage each other, spurring each other on in our spiritual life, marriages and as mothers. Thanks for this great post!

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Carrie Raab January 26, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Hey Lauren! Thanks so much for commenting on my post! It is the most beautiful thing to love God first and most and more so than any person on the earth! I never thought it possible, but I am overjoyed to admit it has happened! It is a humbling thing to look at your husband in the eye and tell him that you have a lover greater than life itself and your love for the Lord has grown stronger than your love for him. I love my husband sooo much and we have the best relationship and am blessed beyond measure with our devotion to each other, yet, I still love God more. It blows my mind knowing that I crave the Lord more than I crave my family! I am thankful as well for you and all the other moms that God has put in my life. We need that support and accountability. We need to train the younger generation and learn from those around us! Bless you and one day the Lord will allow us to meet face to face! :)

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kathy balman January 23, 2012 at 1:58 am

Great post. We don’t do sticky notes but we do send sweet text messages throughout the day. It so awesome you too are so close and pray and study together.

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Carrie Raab January 23, 2012 at 3:25 am

Hey Kathy! Thanks for reading my post. I am so blessed to be in this book club with such amazing women! It is a blessing getting to know you all. Sticky notes are fun and unexpected! We text and send each other encouraging verses and prayers, but I really like the “surprise” notes! Try it! Bless you Kathy!!!

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Stacy January 22, 2012 at 11:47 pm

This is great Carrie. I love you heart :)

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Carrie Raab January 23, 2012 at 12:34 am

Awww,thanks Stacy!!! Thanks for reading the article. Love your heart too! Bless you!

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