How to Have a Heart for Your Kids-Accept them

by Carrie Raab on January 31, 2012

How to Have a HEART for Your Kids -Accept

How to Have a HEART For Your Kids-Accept Your Children


This week I will be sharing on Chapter 3 titled, “Accept Your Children.”  This is the A in the  H.E.A.R.T acronym. If you have not read my prior posts I encourage you to do so. Read the Introduction, Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 to catch up to full speed. I hope you find some nuggets in what I have been writing each week.  I also encourage you to read what the other moms have been writing each week and how the book is impacting their life. You can find all the posts on Amanda Pelser’s site.

Accidents or Blessings

Rachael starts off the chapter discussing accidents or blessings. She wrote this, “Maybe you’ve heard parents introduce their kids something like this: “This is David, our oldest. Next is Martin, then Brad. And this is Joey, our oops-we thought we were done son.” Have you ever heard parents say this or possibly even yourself or your friends or family members? I know I have. In fact, I was always told that I was an “oops/accident”. I never realized the curse it had on my life until decades later, along with several other childhood factors.(God has healed me of the wounds and I am now FREE- free to be all that He created me to be!!!) I was born on Thanksgiving and ever since I have been married, it is tradition to be home with my immediate and extended family. I recall nearly a decade ago, on Thanksgiving Day, feeling led by the Lord to read God’s word and speak a blessing over myself. I recall crying my eyes out as I read Psalm 139 out loud in front of 25 family members, all gathered around in a circle. Everyone else started crying too. I felt such a release that day, such freedom in my identity in Christ. I wanted everyone to know that I was not a mistake, I was chosen and created by God, fearfully and wonderfully made.  I just want to highlight a few of the verses in Psalm 139. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,  I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you  when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book  before one of them came to be.”

Please speak blessings over your children, over your spouse, over yourself (yes, yourself!!!) and people in general! God’s word says, “life and death is in the power of the tongue.”  We either bless or we curse.. bottom line! I want to bless others with my lips, don’t you? We accept our children by blessing them.

Accepting our Children

psalm 139:14

Just as I recited Psalm 139 over myself, we need to speak and believe this over our children. God has blessed us with our children and we need to see them through HIS eyes, not ours!  Accepting our children takes grace from our loving Father.  The more we love and know Christ, the more we can love and know our children. It takes time to develop- time for fruit to bear. God is constantly pruning and shaping us, just as we are pruning and shaping our children in the ways they should go. Raising children MUST be SPIRIT LED! We can NOT do it in our flesh! Surrendering ourselves over to the work of the Holy Spirit and allowing Him to take over is critical in our walk with Christ. We must pray for heaven to invade our homes daily!  We, as the parents, are modeling everything to our children- the good, the bad, and the ugly! Don’t you hate it when you see your children model the bad and the ugly? I do! My heart just cringes when I see it, yet rejoices when I see the good. Let’s continue to bear the Fruits of the Spirit in our lives and in our children!  We want them to be children that seek hard after God and are a generation full of faith and hope in Christ Jesus!

Accepting our children takes tons of prayer, grace, and humility

I fall short daily – we all do. That, however, is not the point, nor the focus. We are to focus on God’s grace, love and power. He is bigger than our imperfections. God loves to show Himself off! When we are weak, He makes us strong! In our weakness, we come before Him! Here, He changes us! Here is where our hearts are soft before Him, desperate to behold Him and become like Him. Parenting is tough! We have good days and bad. When you are home with your children all the time, 24/7, you see their good and bad and they see yours. Choosing to focus on the good is a challenge, but one we are called to do. As parents, we are training their hearts as well as our own, by God’s grace and through the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay on our knees daily, humbly seeking His face. He is there when you call on His name! Some days I feel like a failure as a mom, but I have to remind myself, that is NOT what God says or thinks about me. I have to remind myself that God delights in me and loves me very much. I have to remind myself that God delights in my children and loves them and accepts them in their weakness too. I have to remind myself daily of my obedience to Christ and whom I want to model to my children. I want to model Christ. Just like Paul said, “Imitate me, as I imitate Christ.”  

Accepting our children means accepting them how GOD made and created them.  Each child is uniquely made. We can see that in their personality. Isn’t it so amazing how your children can be so different, yet they came from the same parents. Accepting them for who they are is huge! No two kids are alike. That is how God created us. We are all unique. Life would be so boring if we were all alike! I love this quote from Rachael, “When we attempt to rewire our children, we are actually rejecting them, even if we do not verbalize it.” One thing I want to instill into my children is for them to know how great they are in God’s eyes, how He uniquely created them, and how they are fearfully and wonderfully made. I want them to know they are a blessing to us, a gift from God.

Do you ever sit down and talk to your children about how God gave them to you? Ponder that thought for a moment. God chose YOU to be their parents. I love having these conversations with my boys. I want them to see their purpose in life and to know they were created exactly when God wanted them to be placed on this earth and for them to fulfill their call in life. They were created to be WORLD CHANGERS for Christ! They were created to be the head, not the tail. They were created to be WARRIORS for the KING. They were created to do “greater works”!  I challenge my kids to know the truth and to know they were created for such a time as this. One of the greatest “spiritual gifts” that has been lost in the church today (some, I should clarify) is prophecy.  We need to be prophesying over our children and “calling out” the gold in them and who they are in Christ and what God says and thinks about them!!!

Don’t you love how God even ordered your children? First to last. Do you talk to your children about their birth order?  Rachael pointed this out in her book and it is so necessary to do that. I love sharing this with my kids and telling them why God chose them to be in what order and how they are vital to that role in our family. Let your children see that they matter in your family. Their order matters not only to God, but to you, as their parent! It is vital for your children to hear that good news. Your children need to have “blessings” spoken over them – all day, every day. *When you fail, (not if, because we will!) pick yourself back up, go seek forgiveness from your children (and God),and speak to them in love. That will win their heart over and the more you model love, grace, and forgiveness, the more they will model it back. A rule we have in our household is for every unkind word you speak to your sibling, you have to give him 5 blessings/kind words in return. That way, we are restoring their hearts back to what God thinks and says about the other person and hopefully it instills them to train their tongue, gain self control, and accept the other. It will also allow them to see what is in their heart, because out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Out of all the chapters so far, which one has spoken to you the most? Do you struggle with accepting your children?

I pray you are being encouraged in the Lord with the posts I am writing on How to Have a HEART for your Kids. Parents, we are on this journey together!!! We are stronger in numbers and we are never alone! As Christians, we are “family” in the Lord.  We are one! There is nothing impossible with God.  He makes all things new and possible. He is a good God, a good “daddy.” Please leave your comments! I love to hear from you. What is on your heart? How is God drawing you to have a HEART for your kids?



{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Jennifer February 15, 2012 at 1:49 am

Wonderful thoughts! I am trying to be more intentional about speaking blessings over my children and making sure they know how loved and cherished they are! They are perfectly and wonderfully made!

Happy Valentine’s Day!


Carrie Raab February 15, 2012 at 2:51 am

Thanks Jennifer for your comment! Thanks for allowing us to share our homeschool blessings!


Amanda @ The Pelsers February 9, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Jacob was our surprise because we didn’t think it would be so “easy” to have additional children since we needed help getting Jonathan. He certainly wasn’t an oops though and I hate it when people say that about their children. Every child is a blessing from God, no matter how or when they get here!


Carrie Raab February 9, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Hey Amanda! Yes and Amen! I know I am chosen and created by God and so does my family!! It is all good! God changes our hearts and opens our eyes! :) Praise!!!


By Word of Mouth Musings February 9, 2012 at 3:13 am

So very true … it bothers me so much when someone refers to their accident … especially when people like myself would have given anything for such a blessing!

Lovely words always xxxx


Carrie Raab February 9, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kinds words and encouragement! It is nice to receive! Bless you always! :)


Liz February 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

That was great. Carrie – thanks for sharing that with us! My third was a surprise, but we do not refer to him as a mistake. Just an unexpected blessing. =)


Carrie Raab February 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Thank Liz! Yes, we are all blessings! :)


Jen ~ Gricefully Homeschooling February 5, 2012 at 4:34 am

What a great post! That is very sad when someone speaks harshness, like you were the mistake. I tell my kids…although two were not planned…that God doesn’t make mistakes! There is a reason for them…we just have to find out what that reason is. Thank you for sharing your story! God bless you!


Carrie Raab February 6, 2012 at 2:02 am

Hey Jen! Thanks for reading and sharing how important it is to speak truth into our children’s lives. God does not make mistakes! Love it!!! Blessings to you and yours! :)


Heather February 3, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Love how you shared about your own feelings! I need to remember to bless my children much more than I do. This chapter and everyone’s posts are really working on my thoughts! I tell my kids so many “useful” (i think) things everyday. But I do not tell them i love them all the time now that they are older. Must do that!! Take care:)


Carrie Raab February 4, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Hey Heather! Thanks so much for your comment, I really appreciate it! Yes, telling your kids you love them should never cease. Actually the older my kids get, the more I tell them and ask for hugs! Hug your kids daily! There is such power in a hug!!! Blessings to you and your family! :)


kelli- AdventurezInChildREaring February 2, 2012 at 11:44 pm

this is one I actually struggle with – not the remarks- but, Accepting – as you know – we have had quite a challenge on our hands – there is no way for ME to handle what I’ve had to handle (behavior) God has taught me to STOP in my tracks and pray out loud and ask for His blessings over my children and behavior problems. It is making a difference. I cannot handle it – but God can – all I have to do is let Him. One of the biggest challenges has been separating the behavior from the child. I love my baby – LOVE LOVE him & God is working to heal him :)


Clytie February 2, 2012 at 6:34 pm

When my brother’s wife realized she was pregnant with her 5th child, someone who thought they should have stopped at 4 nastily remarked “don’t they know how that’s done? They have no business having another child”. My reaction was “well, which one of their kids would you have God take back???”

Thank you for this powerful post. God has much in store for each of us!


Carrie Raab February 2, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Hey Clytie! Wow, I love that remark! Gotta remember that! It is truth in love! We are all here from God for a purpose! He is the creator and perfect in all He does! Bless you and thank you for allowing us to share our hearts! YOU are a blessing!!!


Liz February 6, 2012 at 11:28 pm

That is my favorite response for people who unnecessarily comment on the number of children anyone has!


Laura @ Hand Signs & Expressions January 31, 2012 at 7:05 pm

What a wonderful testimony! Thank you for the suggestion in speaking a blessing over to my children.. Although I knew Psalm 139, and I love it – just never occurred to me that I should share it with my children! I love your profound love for the Lord and how you model it for the children. You’ve challenged me to do to more! .


Carrie Raab January 31, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Hey Laura! Thanks so much for reading my posts and your kind remarks! Bless you and your precious family! Continue raising them up in the way that they should go! God believes in you and so do I! :)


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